Some Perspective {D/s Relationships}

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Lets start by defining what being dominant and submissive actually is shall we (clearly there is some confusing on both parts). By definition, Dominant is, “Most important, Powerful, Influential” (synonyms include: ruling, authoritative, commanding).  Submissive is defined as, ”Ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive”( synonym include: compliant, malleable, yielding). 


Great, got that that’s out-of-the-way and we have a clear understanding moving forward. ☺️


Now most only visualize dominance in the BDSM world as being aggressive and forceful, and it can be. But it can also be very passive and subtle, even kind, to where the one being dominated isn’t even aware that is what’s taking place. It can be very harmonious (though there’s nothing wrong with forceful 😉 I’m shining a bit of light on the unconventional here). Think about it, outside of a typical theorized D/s relationship how many of us are dominant at work and relationships romantic or otherwise- how many of us set the rules, create the frame and support the structure of life all around us. Many of us do, even subs, which is why being dominated can be so much for them These subs only want to give control to someone who knows how to have control....I mean what’s the point in giving the ball to someone if you know they’re just going to drop it. Do you ever try doing this in life and having it all fell apart, and you just think, “I should’ve done that myself”, Exactly, unsatisfying isn’t it. 


There are also different forms and levels to dominating ok. Some delegate, control, demand and lead. While some corrupt, own, and even degrade and humiliate. At times is it’s feisty, assertive and other times it can be influential and manipulative. Yet typically, in every case, you’ll find a mixture of many of these ingredients.


Now for submission 🙃 Some subs like to submit fully, sometimes only partially, (like only in specific kinks and fetishes). And I think there is a misconception that if you’re a stub you can’t to be bratty, or even a little in need of Taming. In all fairness it’s probably more of a switch thing, but even in being a switch there are switches to lean more to one side than the other (or ones that or Dominate in their vanilla life but switch when they enter the BDSM world as I mentioned before). Yet even if someone isn’t a switch and they are just a submissive, they may be in need of a little home training ...is that not part of the D/s relationship to some degree anyways. Next, And this is very important, 


*Not all subs are slaves*


There are slaves and there subs, that is a very important distinction that needs to be made. Now a slave you would probably be met with a little less “bite” or literally no bite at all, as it is the way that they exist, the way that they choose to be, not just an experience they like to have. A Slave is defined as being owned like property, and they depend upon being controlled and seek that to in order to attain happiness. So as I mentioned before, it is just as important for a sub to know themselves (especially knowing whether they want to be submissive or a slave), and then to know exactly what it is that they’re looking for.


For instants, (for Subs/Slaves) what do you want to experience or create with  a Dom/me, what does it look like, not just what do they look like 😁. Do you want constant contact and communication? What are you open to beyond kinks and fetishes, training? Relocating? If so, where would you be willing to go? Or what kind of training (if any) would you except -hand signals, rules, what about taking up a cooking class if you have a Dom/me that wants to be cooked for and served meals. What about taking up a second language if your Dom/me wants you to learn their native tongue, or maybe they just want to be able to speak to you privately, in public, in a way that not everyone will know what is being said. How intrinsically do you want to serve and/or submit. 


For Dom/mes 🖤, do you want full control. Not just over a particular aspect like over kinks and fetishes, but even over life events, privileges, work, living arrangements, expenses, etc... Or is it a blend of all of that. Do you want 24/7 contact or to set specific times or even location. What are your limits and expectations of not just your sub/slave but  even yourself. Further what are you willing to do, to provide, what do you wish to invest, and what are you also than, willing to tolerate. Lastly, because I personally see this a lot, molding is not always easy, so if you’re hoping to shape one to your specifics, you might want to check your patients and personal ability/capabilities first. And let’s say you did want your sub/slave to take up a specialty craft or a new language, would you be willing to provide payment for that or would that be a part of the arrangement, like they pay for it and not pay you if you’re into findom. Or would it be a worthwhile expense out of your pocket because you know how you want to be served. Do you feel that they should do everything on their own? To prove something to you while you just existing is enough to them. 


*I’d like to make it very clear that I am not judging either way but just giving a bit of perspective. Because these are the kind of things that go undiscussed and this is the reason that a lot of people are in this lifestyle kind of free-floating. These are just random examples, things can always go both ways (like I am well aware personally of some Dommes that travel to see their subs). And they support their sub in ways such as, if they desired a sub that was a CEO of a large company, they will teach them how to acquire that. I’ve seen some subs who decided to become full-time slaves and honestly felt it was their own job to afford to be and figure out on their own how to be, the slave their Domme wanted.


The point that I’m trying to get out here is that the most important aspect of this lifestyle, just as any other,  is to know yourself, holistically, deeply, personally and passionately. Because that will be reflected in the way that you exist, and in those that you attract. Know your own truth. That’s why am always talking about it. We are all imperfect humans, And being self-aware is an investment that is a part of any good and fruitful relationship. After all we will attract what we are and you get what you pay for....and we all make that investment, regardless the type of currency as there are many forms usually necessary. 


Take some time to know yourself before taking Time to know, control, or serve anyone else.


The trick is to know your ingredients, everyone, so you and your counterpart know if this is the kind of recipe you’re looking for. 💕


I hope you enjoyed the view of My perspective shared here with you ~*


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posted by: Nef
Sw Michigan United States · 1 week ago | 70 Views
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